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fearless flier, my heart palpitates

November 28, 2009

When I’m not feeling quite poetic or literary… I better write anyway. I better. Yes. I threaten myself with self-pity if I don’t express something, so here I am on the threshold again of yet another paragraph of wisdom, maybe, shit, maybe. It’s just a stopped funnel of ideas, festering or swirling.

Unstop, and I spill on the screen. My blot says much— I need, want, perhaps, to spill some milk without crying over it. It’s no use…

I’m not that much of a quotey person. I rather admire people who can remember verbatim something important somebody else has said. Details tend to get lost on me, I love being abstract, haven’t I proven that thus far? It’s much easier to stay gliding on the surface bolstered by tight balls of H20 than to dive deep and hold my breath. I was a bold child of the tree boughs and swimming pools, and then I grew up. A branch might snap or with a plunge I might never know if the sky was bottom. I felt pretty fearless coming out of high school and now that I’m on the edge of adulthood, I’m feeling pretty infantile. Much ado about can’ts and won’ts. I won’t work on the basis of feeding into the system. I can’t because I feel co-workers won’t understand me. Won’t because scratching the surface is beneath me. Can’t because I don’t want to embarrass myself. Won’t because I would rather command than be told what to do. Can’t because I don’t want to be the bottom rung. Can’t, Won’t, based on fear. My fear came in the window like a catbuglar once I grew up. Isn’t the opposite supposed to happen, out the window on the wings of a dove?

Becoming a nihilist with a soul is pretty grating. I care so much that I don’t want to care about the state of things.

I leave you with a part of- Requiem by Kurt Vonnegut

When the last living thing
has died on account of us,
how poetical it would be
if Earth could say,
in a voice floating up
perhaps from the floor
of the Grand Canyon,
“It is done.”
People did not like it here.

—- Until Next Time—-
Things I want to talk about in upcoming “Blots”
– Kurt Vonnegut- Bookworm – Australia – War – Activist – Being a Thinker – Ann Patchett- Obama – Healthcare – Movies – My Boyfriend – What To Do? – Et cetera, et cetera

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Chase permalink
    November 29, 2009 3:24 pm

    You write wonders.

  2. josephine permalink
    January 5, 2010 2:15 pm

    i second.. altho i had to reread the paragraph to understand i think i did ha

    • January 12, 2010 12:20 am

      thanks, and feel free to clear anything up.. sometimes I write in a rush.

  3. Kerri permalink
    February 11, 2010 6:50 pm

    you are amazing 🙂

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